Skip to main content

The New Trilemma

Beknownst to many, I dread the idea of going to a karaoke bar. Unbeknownst to many, I have regular covert karaoke sessions on my commute to work. I drive an SUV with no tint on the windows, which means I'm afforded about as much cover as a fishbowl. Moreover, I possess none of the externally obvious signs that would indicate that I deserve to be rocking out like it's nobody's business (e.g. I don't care what you think musician outfit, “cool” ethnicity, etc.). Therefore I must daily find a way to perform my latest hits without the hundreds of people I see in traffic noticing.

So I improvise. At the stop light, if I pull up in between the two cars in the next lane over, neither of them can really tell what I'm doing. Rock on my friend. If I can't hit one of those sweet spots between cars, I might just do every other line ...wishin they was dancin a jig... ciga-cigar right from Cuba-Cu-ba ... They might think they saw something, do a double take, but looking over they see I'm just another regular commuter. They can't prove a thing.

But the reality is, at some point, somebody notices. Either I go too big (hand gesturing and long, high notes are sure ways to go too big) or they're just too observant and bang. Busted. Then I feel obligated to either slow down or start speeding until I know I've put some distance in between me and that over-observant commuter.

Then things changed. I purchased a discounted, middle of the road bluetooth headset for my cell phone. What's that have to do with it, you might ask? Well, before, if anyone caught me, they'd have two easy choices in regard to my virtuoso renditions: Either that guy is crazy or I just caught him singing to himself in the middle of traffic. Neither of these options is particularly appealing.

But now--now they look over, catch me getting my groove on, but they also see the bluetooth headset and they're not so sure anymore. The simple dilemma is now, yes that's right, a trilemma. Sure, they have good odds they caught me doing something embarrassing, but there's that unsettling chance that I'm actually talking to someone. Ooh, not so sure of yourself anymore, are you Mr. Over-observant fellow commuter? I might be raving mad, I might have the entire corpus of Enrique Iglesias music memorized (no really, I don't). But you'll never know, because I might just be ordering take out after a long day at the office.

And just like that, the hits just keep on coming. Gettin' jiggy wit it, na-na-na-na-na-na-na...

Comments

  1. LOL You are a crack up! Nice way to solve a problem that I of course know nothing about! ::sarcasm:: :D I knew that bluetooth was good for something! ha ha ha!

    ReplyDelete
  2. So, do you wear two bluetooth earpieces. Cuz ya gotta cover both sides, ya know!?!? LOL

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well, next time we see each other in traffic I'll know the truth.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hurray Will Smith!! Kenny needs to put away the haterade.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I have Enrique's latest album if you run out of material.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What is social media doing to you?

Imagine this commercial:
Our product will give you access to the most stressful, anxiety-inducing, anger-arousing events going on both near and far! You will know more than you ever wanted to know and be powerless to do anything about it!
Sign up for free today so that we can stalk and monetize your online behavior!
Who wants to sign up? Apparently 2.6 billion of us. This is the basic experience and business model of social media. Why do we do this? Humanity is an utter mystery sometimes.
I’m not going to do some deep dive on how social media works, I want to do an ultra-practical exercise together. Let’s examine what social media is doing to us. Examining the FruitHow often are the following characteristics produced in your heart based on your use of social media? Answer each item with this simple scale: Rarely, Sometimes, Often Good FruitLoveJoyPeacePatienceKindnessGoodnessFaithfulnessGentlenessSelf-control Bad FruitNow let’s do that again but with a second set of characteristics. IdolatryE…

What's preaching worth?

In some areas of the world, Christians still risk their lives and/or possessions for their faith. They fear angry mobs who will burn their churches, vigilantes who will punish them for believing and authorities who will either aid the locals or persecute the Christians themselves.
For these Christians, church is not a social function. Church is a risk to life and livelihood. For the preacher, he risks not just his own life but he also endangers those who come to listen. For this preacher, every sermon must be worth prison, every sermon must be worth provoking the wrath of this world. He must ask himself every time, "Is this worth my life? Is this worth my congregation's life?"
Why should our sermons be any different? I fear no angry mob, does it mean my sermons can be cheap? I fear no persecution, so does that mean I can spend my time giving anecdotes instead of the word of God? Just being called to be heralds of the king should sober and embolden us on its own. But recogn…